Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
by Ruby Snape
Summary: Response to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' WIKTT challenge.
1. The Beginning, Middle and End.

Response to "Whose Line Is It Anyway" challenge  
  
I own none of the characters, blah, blah, blah, you know the drill.  
  
Here's the premise: In an odd attempt at fostering warmer Muggle/Wizarding relations, Albus Dumbledore has invited Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles to Hogwarts to film a special episode of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" Albus is going to be the guest host of the show and the staff and students of the school are the audience. A draw was held to find the 2 wizarding participants, and the *lucky* winners were Severus Snape and Hermione Granger.  
  
The skits that have to be included are Film Styles (suggestions courtesy of the audience and the scene that has to be acted out is up to you). Also the game of Questions Only (premise of the scene is entirely up to you). A musical number, such as the Hoe Down or the Irish Drinking song, and the Dating Game with Hermione as the Bachelorette and the men as her strange bachelor prospects. You can include any other skits that you'd like to round the story out.  
  
Let the story begin.  
  
Albus Dumbledore pointed his wand at his throat, "Sonorus, Welcome to a special Hogwarts edition of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' with our special muggle guests Colin Mochrie and Ryan Styles. Our Hogwarts contestants are Head of Slytherin and Potions master, Professor Severus Snape (a chorus of boos comes from the audience and Snape scowls) and Gryffindor student Hermione Granger. Now lets begin 'Whose Line Is It Anyway' the show where the points don't matter and muggle relations do."  
  
Ryan and Colin smiled, while Hermione fidgeted muttering to herself, Snape continued to scowl.  
  
"Our first game is for Professor Snape and Colin Mochrie and is called 'film styles' (Snape and Colin go to the centre of the floor) Now can some one give me a film style?"  
  
Pansy Parkinson jumps up and down in her seat "Romance"  
  
Dumbledore nods and writes down the suggestion chuckling to himself.  
  
Harry Potter raises his hand "Perry Mason" followed by Ron yelling out "James Bond!"  
  
Dumbledore writes down the requests "Ok, just a couple more."  
  
Colin Creevy shyly raises his hand "A.Austin Powers."  
  
"Ok, that will do, are we ready?"  
  
Colin starts jogging on the spot rubbing his hands together while Snape switches his glare to Dumbledore "No," he mumbles.  
  
"Good. Our first one, romance."  
  
Colin: My sweet love, do not leave me. (Colin flutters his eye lashes)  
  
Snape: (clears his throat) back away or I'll use an unforgivable on you.  
  
Colin: Why can't you forgive me? It was just one night, a mistake, I was drunk, It's Ryan's fault. (Colin points to Ryan and squeals)  
  
The audience laugh, and Dumbledore pushes the buzzer, "Perry Mason"  
  
Colin: So you killed her? What was it? Avada Kedavara or poison?  
  
(The audience gasp playing along.)  
  
Snape: What? How dare you? I'll have you know you insufferable twit, that I was a death eater.  
  
(Dumbledore becomes flustered and pushes the buzzer) "James Bond"  
  
Colin: I have you now Doctor No. There is no escape.  
  
Snape: My name is Professor Severus Snape, potions master of Hogwarts. I have no idea who you are referring to.  
  
Colin: Trying to fool me 'eh? Well it won't work, Dr.  
  
(Snape removes his wand from his robes and raises it to Colin's throat. The audience ducks under their seats and Dumbledore pushes the buzzer.) "Austin Powers"  
  
Colin: Yeah Baby, yeah! How do I get in to those robes baby their skin tight?  
  
Snape: These are standard teaching robes. They are not tight.  
  
Colin: (sidles up to Snape) I put the grr in swinger baby  
  
Snape: (raises an eyebrow) Do I make you horny baby?  
  
(The audience burst out laughing and Dumbledore is in tears of laughter, his fist hitting the table setting off the buzzer repeatedly)  
  
"Ok our next game is Questions only, it's for Hermione and Ryan"  
  
(Snape and Colin take their seats and Ryan and Hermione take centre stage)  
  
"The scenario is, Hermione, you need to convince Ryan that you are really a giant." (the audience snickers as Ryan towers over Hermione)  
  
Hermione: (takes a deep breath) So you don't believe I'm a giant then?  
  
Ryan: Is that what you are?  
  
Hermione: Well that's what Dumbledore told me to be  
  
(Dumbledore presses the buzzer and Hermione blushes cause she failed her task)  
  
Ryan: How can you be a giant?  
  
Hermione: How can I not?  
  
Ryan: How can you be?  
  
Hermione: How can I not?  
  
(They continue like this until Dumbledore falls asleep his head falling on the buzzer setting it off. Hermione and Ryan return to their seats.)  
  
"Well done. We're nearly at the end. Our next game is the dating game, Hermione you are the bachelorette, Ryan, Colin and Professor, you are the three eligible bachelors."  
  
Hermione: Bachelor number one, what is your ideal romantic date?  
  
Ryan: (Opens card, it reads: You are Quidditch seeker and captain of England about to catch the snitch. Ryan looks confused and begins to answer.) I will take you to the snitch, it's there if I can only just catch.  
  
Hermione: (has a self satisfied grin on her face) ok, thankyou bachelor one. Bachelor number two, same question.  
  
Snape: (Opens card, it reads: You are Harry Potter, Snape scowls) We would go to the three broomsticks for a butterbeer then get in to some trouble while I parade around the school losing points for Gryffindor.  
  
Hermione: (frowns at Snape) Thank you bachelor two. Bachelor number three, What is your ideal romantic date?  
  
Colin: (Opens card, it reads: You are a werewolf) Well lets see, we'd take a moonlight stroll and then, (Colin falls to the floor and writhes about) Howllllll.  
  
Hermione: Ok. Well Bachelor one, you're a Quidditch seeker.  
  
(Dumbledore nods, and the audience applaud)  
  
Hermione: Bachelor two, you are a meanie. But you think you're Harry.  
  
(Snape and Hermione exchange glares, Ron and Harry boo)  
  
Hermione: Bachelor three, you are a werewolf.  
  
(The audience cheer and Hermione leaps out of her seat and jumps up and down)  
  
"Well we've come to our last game, the Hoe Down, this is for all contestants, a suggestion from the audience please."  
  
(Ron yells out "I'm an greasy haired git!" everyone laughs)  
  
Snape: 10 points from Gryffindor Mr. Weasley and detention 8pm my office.  
  
"Ok, everyone, it's the 'I'm a greasy haired git' hoe down."  
  
Colin: Oh I have a little problem, I don't know what to do, I have a bad hair day, Every Monday afternoon, My mother keeps telling me, Why do you care? For you are a greasy git, Without any hair.  
  
Hermione: I have greasy hair, I wash it every night, No matter what I do, It gives me a fright, I scare all the Gryffindors, Of which I'm not ashamed, For I am a slimy potions master, And taking points is my game.  
  
Ryan: It is such a tradgedy, It is such a shame, That my greasy hair, Makes me lose the game, Being such a git, Is not the blame, Of my ugly face, And my lame'o brain.  
  
Snape: My hair is not greasy, And I have a good brain, My face isn't ugly, So I'm not ashamed, If you continue to bug me, So I can't contain, I'll hex your bloody legs off, And win every game.  
  
Hermione, Ryan, Colin and Snape: And I'll win ev-ery game.  
  
(Audience applaudes politely incase Snape hexes them)  
  
"That is 'Whose Line Is It Anyway' tonight's winner Hermione Granger, Gryffindor win the house cup. Goodnight" 


	2. The Return

Whose Line Is It Anyway WIKTT Challenge  
  
Chapter Two - Return To Hogwarts  
  
A/N: Jiminy Jilikers is property of Matt Groening and the people of The Simpsons. For disclaimer see chapter one.  
  
A low excited murmur filled the room as students wondered who would be the new contestants on 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' Ron and Harry were somewhat jealous of Hermione getting on television and didn't hesitate in telling her so. The room shushed as Dumbledore rose from his chair. "Could I have your attention please? We are about to draw the names of the winners for the second series of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' But first I am please to welcome the regular host of the American series, Mr. Drew Carey. It is unknown to a lot of you, that Mr. Carey was once a student of Hogwarts and one of the finest Hufflepuffs, this establishment has seen." Applause rose from the students and staff. Drew Carey nodded in acknowledgement. "Now, the winners of the lucky draw are, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape. This is mighty unusual, two teachers. If that's what the cup chooses then it shall be. Now let's get this show started shall we?"  
  
Drew Carey pointed his wand to his throat. "Sonorous" placing the wand on the desk, he picked up a handful of cards. "Welcome to another special edition of Whose Line Is It Anyway? We are coming to you from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I'm your host Drew Carey. Tonight's contestants from the muggle world are Colin Mocherie and Ryan Styles, and joining us from Hogwarts are Professors McGonagall and Snape. Please give them a warm welcome." A polite applause fell on the room. "Now our first game is called Superheroes for all four contestants. It's fairly simple. Ryan, you'll be our first superhero, who the audience will name, it will be your job to name the next superhero, then the next will name the one after, well you get the drift. We need a tragedy, audience?"  
  
"Running out of lip gloss" called out Pansy Parkinson. The rest of the students laughed.  
  
"Running out of lip gloss. Now we need a name for our superhero."  
  
"Fart man." Sniggered Dean Thomas.  
  
"Wider man" laughed Seamus Finnegan, nudging Dean.  
  
Drew looked to Ryan for any hints as to which to choose. 'They always said never work with children or animals in show business, I guess they were right.' "Fart man it is. Now, fart man,"  
  
Ryan turned to Drew "Yes?" he lifted a leg and made a raspberry sound.  
  
"Fart man, it appears that you are running out of lip gloss how are you going to solve this dilemma?"  
  
RYAN: (walking around the stage area, miming the opening and closing of cupboard doors and drawers.) Fart It can't be fart I've gasp then fart run out of lip gloss! (Colin enters) Why it's fart stripper-man!  
  
COLIN: Hi fart man. (Colin begins to unzip his jacket)  
  
RYAN: Stripper man, fart it's an emergency. There's no lip gloss!  
  
COLIN: (yanks off jacket) Jiminy Jilikers! What ever will we do? (tries to pull off his right shoe, hopping around on his left foot. McGonagall enters) Thank Merlin you're here lady who is madly in love with feet. (the audience laughs, Colin falls over from standing on one leg too long, the audience are in hysterics.)  
  
McGONAGALL: What is it? (She grabs Colin's shoe and begins to caress it)  
  
COLIN: There is no lip gloss (Ryan farts)  
  
McGONAGALL: Are you sure?  
  
RYAN: (pulls a face and lets off another fart) Positive. (Snape walks grudgingly on to centre stage)  
  
McGONAGALL: It's Gryffindor sex machine! (she runs up to Snape and wraps herself around his legs) Help! We've run out of lip gloss. We don't know what to do!  
  
SNAPE: (trying to wriggle his way out of McGonagall's grasp) we'll go to the store and buy some more. (Snape's voice is filled with a bland excitement)  
  
RYAN: fart Of course.  
  
COLIN: (now wearing only a shirt, trousers and one sock) let us go!  
  
RYAN: fart This way (everyone lines up behind Ryan to follow him out. Ryan lets off the longest fart and everyone begins to gag because of the odor)  
  
Drew holds his nose and hits the buzzer. "Ten points to all of you, minus thirty to Ryan. If I wanted to suffocate I would go and drown myself at a pillow factory. Our next game is song styles, it is for Professor Snape. Now we need an audience volunteer." Everyone remained silent, hands remaining by their sides. "Thought your hand would be up like it always is, Granger you mud blood." Called out Malfoy with his cronies Crabbe and Goyle, grinning gormlessly beside him.  
  
"Well thank you for volunteering Mr. Malfoy, please take a seat." Drew indicated the stool in the center of the stage. "Professor Snape, you will be singing, Like a Slytherin to the style of Madonna."  
  
SNAPE: (hands on hips strutting a circle around Malfoy)  
  
I made it through dark forest, Somehow I made it through Didn't know how lost I was 'Till the hat sorted you  
  
(Walks to the back of Malfoy, Snape put his hand on Malfoy's shoulder)  
  
It was the feast of feasts It was the hat That chose you A Slytherin is real Yeah, A Slytherin is real A death eater too  
  
Like a Slytherin Sorted for the very first time Like a Slytherin When your heart dies Just like mine  
  
The students and staff were now doubled over laughing tears rolling from their eyes. Snape stopped and glared. With a flick of his wrist his wand was pointed at Drew's throat. "Press the buzzer now" he hissed.  
  
"Thank you Mr. Malfoy, you may now return to your seat. And thank you Professor Snape, 20 points to Slytherin." Beads of sweat shone on Drew's forehead. "Our final game this evening is Hoedown. This is for Ryan, Colin, Professors McGonagall and Snape."  
  
"We need a suggestion for a theme."  
  
"Greasy haired gits." Called out Ron.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, honestly Ron, can't you think of anything original?"  
  
Ron scowled "Go on then if you're so smart."  
  
"Fine." She sighed "Little school of Hogwarts' horrors." She called out.  
  
"Ok, little shop of Hogwarts' horrors it is."  
  
RYAN:  
  
Oh this school is full of horrors, It's like the London zoo, The students and the teachers, Are just big baboons, I want to run away, I want to flee and hide, But I know if I do, They'll hex my behind.  
  
COLIN:  
  
I was warned by my father, I was told every night, The horror that lurks, By the lake side, In Scotland, A castle that does reside, Hogwarts is its name, I think I'm gonna die.  
  
McGONAGALL:  
  
I've been here half a century, I've stayed here every night, I've known all the house elves, The ghosts and the sprites, There is no horror, There is no shame, Hogwarts is a fine institution, Of proud traditional fame.  
  
SNAPE:  
  
There was a student, There was a pain, He was a marauder, And teasing was his game, He should rot in Azkaban, But Voldermort had his way, And killed his arse, James Potter was his name.  
  
RYAN, COLIN, McGONAGALL, SNAPE:  
  
James Potter was his name.  
  
"That was Whose Line Is It Anyway. Tonight's winner Professor Snape, now I better run before he Avada Kedavara's me!" called Drue running from the hall. 


End file.
